He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
