I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
