Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
