u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
