Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
