Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
