my sisters under your porch take her home
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
