I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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