well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
