woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
