throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
