I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
