The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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