dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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