Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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