I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
