I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
