He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
