and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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