Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
