Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
