Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
