I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
