can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
