A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
