I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
