I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
