You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
