Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
