she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
