I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
