how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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