my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
