I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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