I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
