we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
