IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
