You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
