He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You're a waste of cheezeits
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
