You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
