i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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