he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
