it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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