Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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