She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
