You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
