Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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