I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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