Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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