so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
