He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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