Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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