Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You smell like stripper and shame
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
