That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
