I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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