She is in my trunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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