Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
