OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
