thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
